I’m sitting in cafe drinking tea and watching the snow fall. It seems winter really arrived and the sunny days that were so abundant are behind us now. The sky looms large and full, ready to dump it’s weather onto our laps. The plants turn white as snow drifts from the sky. It doesn’t fall straight but in sharp diagonals like an angry child it throwing it to the ground.
School books surround my computer, half are open and half sit waiting for their turn. Music plays in my ears and I sit here wondering how much of my life is spent this way, entrenched in learning. It feels like I have never lived any other way sometimes.
I began my capstone course, graduation seems more real now. This is the last stepping stone until I am running that last leg of senior classes. I sit in a high school English classroom hoping I remember enough of high school English to be any help. Science is only fractionally better. I am a tutor, supposedly here to help them graduate. But I feel like I know hardly more than they do. MLA? I haven’t used that in 6 years. Physical Science? More like, “oh can I read that?” Everything feels like I am re-learning it. In a way I suppose I am, but I wish it was easier. But that’s life right? Learning isn’t easy.
“I’m so busy,” I find myself saying all the time. I am, busy that is, but not absurdly so. My to do list never seems less full no matter how much I’m checking off. I haven’t called my Mother in a long time. I forget these things. I only remember when she starts texting me more than normal. It’s even worse with my Grandmother. Does that make me bad? Or simply incompetent in judging the amount of time that has gone by.
Life is ticking away and I find that my days are full of excuses. “I can’t do lunch.” “I don’t have money to go shopping.” I find myself becoming more reclusive as the days go by. This quarter keeps me busy and I am missing my alone time. Being a social butterfly doesn’t suit me as much I always want it too.
The snow is getting heavier. I should head home before it becomes to treacherous to drive in it.


