Is a title even worth it?

Posted on April 29, 2012 by Sarah

I feel inauthentic being here. It’s been well over a month since I’ve said anything on here. Shared anything of my life. I feel fake trying to come back to it all now. Truthfully I am only here in protest to a paper I have to finish by tomorrow morning. Who knows how long I would have been gone otherwise?

I have had so much to share with you. Our first weekend trip together. Another anniversary. I am officially graduating this year. I bought a new camera. Spring is playing hard to get up here. There has been a lot and  yet I haven’t come here to write about it.

The reason that keeps going on and on in my head is that I have been to busy. That’s partly true, but mostly it’s because while I am getting better at time management, it’s still not my thing. It also explains why I have an essay to finish by tomorrow that is only half done at the moment. I clearly win all the prizes.

Every time I sit down to write something here I end up writing elsewhere for someone else. This term is hectic. I seem to have saved the best for last (almost last as it were). The amount of reading is intense, the writing more so. The exams are livable, but the group projects! Oh they are a burden to the soul.

My life is school and work and not spending all of my money. I have a bad habit of impulsive shopping as a recent spat has pointed out. It’s something I need to work as I often wonder why I am so broke after buying new shoes.

All this ramble to say hello again. All these words an attempt to make it natural. Blogging is like riding a bike, you never really forget how, but you sure are rusty at the start of it.

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Always playing catch up but never getting caught up.

Posted on March 13, 2012 by Sarah

The girl sitting next to me is practicing speaking Chinese with a tutor. The lecture I am watching is interrupted by loud repetition of words I don’t understand. The sun is shining through the windows, making the place absurdly bright. It’s interesting the places we end up. The things we seek after taking them for granted for so long.

This term was hard. My classes weren’t hard, the hardest was Philosophy, but that was expected. No it was hard because it was filled with conflict and there was no resolution. It’s almost over, just one more meeting and then we can go our separate ways. It’s left me drained. Everyday I would wake up to an inbox full of nasty emails about the project. The last week it’s escalated to threats, while the threats weren’t outright ones of physical harm, it was implied.

We were supposed to see a mediator to see how we can work through this conflict, as I don’t want to go to class if this person wants to hurt me. But that is not going to happen. Due to this person’s manipulative behavior she has charmed everyone (despite the physical proof of the emails) into thinking that we (another girl and I) were overreacting. She said she was just “venting” and that she will be fine for the presentation/last meeting. I’m irritated that everyone is so afraid of getting some kind of backlash that no action is being taken. It’s almost over so my irritation is mild. It’s just the principle of the thing, threats are now not an automatic failing of the class, it’s an excuse to “work things out.”

My apartment is dirty. I was hoping to do a big spring cleaning but it was currently snowing this morning and since we don’t use heaters in our place I haven’t been leaving the piles of blankets on the couch for much when I’m home. Maybe later this week the weather will warm up and I can get something done. Even if it’s just more laundry because I’m pretty sure I’m out of clean socks.

Did I mention that in two weeks Vahid is taking me on vacation? We are spending the weekend in Seattle. There are so many things planned and I’m so excited to get away for more than a day trip. Seriously, finals week cannot be over soon enough so we can go.

I have more to say but I don’t have enough answers to write about them. Maybe soon though. I have a lot of catching up to do.

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Philosophy of Martial Arts

Posted on February 25, 2012 by Sarah

A week ago there was a lecture aboutBrazilian jiu-jitsu in my Philosophy class. The lecture has since apparently got interest from some important people like Sam Harris. It was a pretty great lecture. It’s exciting that I was there for it and now it’s viral. Anyway, here it is.

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Going Places

Posted on February 14, 2012 by Sarah

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Wham Bam, Who Shot Sam? My, My.

Posted on February 10, 2012 by Sarah

There’s a bowling alley in the basement. We donned shoes and picked out balls and set to work.

It has become something of a ritual, a way to pass the time, to enjoy the day. I sneak it in-between classes and it breaks up the monotony that is sitting and taking notes.

Next week we are hitting the pool tables.

That’s all to say that everything is fine. It’s as it should be; the days keep passing and we find ways to smile and enjoy the time. But that’s not to say that there hasn’t been tensions too.

This term is hard. Harder than I expected in ways that I wasn’t expecting. One class that I can’t graduate without is being more than a headache. It involves volunteering at a high school tutoring in their after school program. Well the program has just begun this term and needless to say there are some bugs. The problem is not that it’s an imperfect system but rather that the higher ups refuse to see it as a work in progress and want to know why, why, why the children are attending, are not getting help, are not getting A’s.

I just have five more weeks so it’s manageable, it’s just not what I wanted to deal with.

Spring term is nearly here and then I have one more term and it will be over. School will officially be done and then. What? What comes next?

I haven’t the slightest idea.

I haven’t thought about the future. My concerns are immediate at the moment. I want to live in the city, in a new apartment, new jobs all around, a new figure, the list goes on. (As a side note, I am down 12 lbs so that last is coming to fruition, just a bit more slowly than I’d like.)

I want something to change and for once the change to be for the better. I think it’s about time.

Did I mention that our water was shut off and the office “forgot” to inform us? It’s back on now, but still it’s not great trying to brush your teeth with no running water.

I’ve made goals. Big fat lofty goals. I wrote them on paper but I don’t want to write them here. I’m not ready to share them with the world.

But this has to be the year for change. It’s all been the same for far too long.

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