And we both forgot.

Friday night we were watching TV after coming home from the tulip festival and Vahid looked at me and said something like “our anniversary was yesterday. We missed it.”

I was about to refute his statement but realized that he was right. Then we laughed.

We celebrated with a fun day Saturday and great lebanese food that night.

I made a joke about how Vahid’s lucky I don’t expect things for anniversaries/birthdays/etc. I mean I like presents but I’d much rather enjoy the time rather than the thing. (And just like that I finally grew out of my only child brattiness. Mostly.)

But I did get flowers on my anniversary. But they weren’t for our anniversary. Vahid woke up early and walked to the store to buy some things we needed for dinner and just happened to pick them up.

I’d much rather be surprised by little things like that then expect something on specific dates.

So it’s been four years. And it will be five before we get married. It doesn’t seem like that long but it also seems like lifetimes. I can’t imagine how I used to live before dating him. Part of that was I was so young and now I’ve matured and part of that is I like my life with him so I don’t pine for my past.

I could go one and say all the mushy things about how much I love him and how happy I am I get to marry him and all that. But he knows.

So I’ll just say that I’m happy it’s been four years. I’m excited for the things to come.

In line with the spring I feel like changing. I changed my skincare routine and I think it works better. I’ve changed my hair care routine, it’s simpler and now it’s wavier as a result. I like changing the things I do. New always feels refreshing.

I keep coming here with these things I want to write. I will write them. But I never seem to write it out.

I stopped eating paleo. It didn’t help me become any healthier and I think it hindered me more than I thought until I stopped. I might write a post about it but I haven’t gotten around doing it quite yet.

I’m still jobless. I stopped looking for a month. It was discouraging so I quit. Now I’m doing it again. I feel it’s harder than it should be because I know I want to go back to school for my Masters so any job I have will just be biding my time. I don’t know. I think I’m spending too much time in my head.

I guess I’m just checking in with this. I didn’t expect it to be so rambly. I’m not as sad as this post seems. I’m pretty excited about spring and my diet now. I’ve written about it before, it’s what I was doing last year before I decided to quit. I’m within 15 pounds of my old weight. Then it will be all about becoming fitter. It’s a good feeling.

However Spring is like that. Spotty sun and shorter showers lead way to warmer weather and brighter days. So I won’t complain.

But I will look at pictures and pretend it’s as nice outside as it is looks in them.

- the sunshine – not wearing a jacket – almost fitting into my old jeans – the new tops I bought at Banana Republic outlet – the necklace Vahid bought me – my new foundation – not having bangs -

- Seven things to stop doing for the sake of self-love. I think this list will resonate with most women (if not all, at least some points). I know it did for me.

- This video on dry brushing. I’ve recently started to doing this and can already say that my skin glows and is so much softer because of this.

- the face wash and moisturizer I made – it’s lavender scented – finally being able to replace some staples in my makeup collection – apple cider vinegar for my hair – how wavy my hair is naturally -

- I love everything about this blog post. The video, the pictures. Everything.

- It doesn’t hurt that the girl who wrote this is beautiful but I really love this post about embracing yourself without makeup. I am wearing considerably less makeup than I used to (many days none at all) and that means not covering up all imperfections.

- getting tea and breakfast made for me even though I am a jerk in the mornings – not being so sick I can’t function – afternoon chai lattes in coffee shops – getting my glasses adjusted and seeing so much better afterwards – not needing to buy new tires -

-I love this video. The rat is my favorite, he’s so cute when he shakes.

- using FaceTime to talk to my grandma – even if she did just ignore me half the time – and constantly ask me how much this was costing my mom – being able to tell her no when she insists on something for my wedding – not feeling guilty about it -

- I could go for a lavender Bee’s Knees on a warm sunny afternoon.

- This cherry tomato, olive, and thyme focaccia bread is definitely on my to make list. It looks divine.

- trying to remain happy even though I am frustrated with finding a job – the flowers starting to bloom – the spring farmer’s market – finding Etsy shops I love (even if I can’t buy anything right now) – have I mentioned the sunshine?

That was my first mistake of the day.

My car was acting up, pulling extremely to the left. Fearing the alignment was off (a problem that this car has has previously) I decided that instead of my relaxing afternoon I should just suck it up and get the car checked out. (I had only been putting off the tire rotation and oil check by a couple thousand miles.)

My first step was the oil change because it was the closest. Turns out my alignment wasn’t off but my tires were flat. I was riding on the rim on one. That was awesome. Then I found out that a screw snapped off something and now the tube the oil stick sits in is just free balling it under the hood. It’s not a big deal but it is because it can rub against one of the belts and cause it to snap. And it was rubbing. I think they zip tied it to another part so it wouldn’t do that but I still need to get a screw and/or something to more securely keep it in place. (The only thing the screw locks into might be busted. I wasn’t quite sure on that.)

After paying all the money to get my stupid oil changed I drove my car to get my tires rotated and checked. I was sitting and hoping I wouldn’t have to buy new tires when the grossest thing happened to me.

I was sitting amongst a bunch of tables waiting for my tires to be done because I wasn’t smart enough to go to Starbucks before I went shopping and had a cart of items with me. So I’m waiting. I’m eating a churro and reading, just minding my own business when a man comes up to me talking.

“People really shouldn’t shop here if they can’t speak English!” What? I am confused and stare at him. It’s the guy who is giving promos about gutters. I don’t understand why is talking to me.

“Those stupid [word deleted] should just go back where they came from. Can’t even learn English.” I am so flabbergasted at this point. I mean is he really saying this? Does he think it’s okay to say racist things about people to other customers? Also this is a store you have to pay a membership to shop at. I do not want to pay to employ racist people.

I immediately ask to see his manager. He tells me he doesn’t have one. I’m like yeah right I know how stores work. I just go to customer service and end up speaking to the floor manager. He is shocked and goes to speak with the employee to hear his side of the story.

I return to my table to collect my things and move farther away because I want to remove myself from this weird situation when I overhear him call me a lying bitch. Dude, you are not helping your case by cursing at work about customers. He was immediately escorted off the floor and never came back in the twenty minutes I was still waiting on my tires.

The silver lining is that I did not have to buy new tires because the leaks were patchable. So there’s that.

Man, of all the days to think it’d be a good day to go out.

At least I didn’t have to wear a jacket. Yeah sixty degree weather!

I had a job but then I left it when I felt I had been lied to by my boss. I was going to come here and write all about it but now that I’ve sat on it for a few weeks there’s only that sentence. The job wasn’t what I signed up for so I left. I’m still in limbo, this weird place where I am looking for employment but not finding it, all the while not really scrimping to get by. Maybe that’s why I feel foggy about the whole thing, like it’s just a fairytale. But money doesn’t last and sooner rather than later I will need some in my bank account.

I am a health blog junkie. I should say that I am an alternative health blog junkie. I have learned a lot of great things that I incorporate into my own life. I am always trying to new things, tinkering with herbs and supplements. Maybe it’s all my years doing experiments in labs but I often see myself as my own experiment. The kitchen cabinets are full of bottles of all kinds of things. My favorite places to shop are herb stores and alternative health stores. Even if I don’t need anything I love to look around all the stuff. I have even considered going to school to become a naturopath but that requires about seven more years of school and that is something I can’t commit to right now.

I am officially down 10 pounds this year. That makes my total weight loss 24 pounds. That’s not too shabby. I am finding that it’s so easy to keep the weight off. It’s taking me a while to lose it (I don’t have a “goal” weight but a weight range of about 10 pounds because I just don’t want to hit a number on a scale but have muscles and be fit) but it’s almost second nature keeping it off. I think that’s my biggest realization this year. That I have finally kicked my junk food addiction (for the most part). I don’t like soda anymore (the only fizzy drink I have is kombucha), my green shakes in the morning have less and less fruit in them, I don’t crave burgers and fries, I’ve passed on cupcakes more than once. The only thing I haven’t kicked is my chips and salsa habit.

There’s no point to this post. These aren’t any of the things I set out to say but here we are. I keep meaning to post recipes but I end up eating all the food before I take a picture. I need to work on that. I have a cinnamon roll recipe, chocolates recipe, and a spicy taco beef recipe that I’ve wanted to post. Maybe I’ll get Vahid to take the pictures before I stuff all the foods in my face.

Have I talked about getting braces before? That I was all signed up to go and just need some (expensive) dental work done before I started. Well that’s all on hold. I have been doing research (and honestly thinking about leaving my dentist for a different one) and have discovered two practices that might actually straighten my teeth without surgery, removing molars, or braces. It seems like a miracle to me since it would reshape my upper and lower jaw without surgery (something I need done but each surgery runs about $15,000) and give me straight teeth without having to pull a bunch of molars (my only other option). I don’t want to get my hopes up but when I can afford it I’m getting consultations with both Doctors to see if it’s a possibility.

I guess that saying is true, when one door closes another opens. I still don’t have a job but I might have an answer I’ve been wanting for a long time.

- finally getting the technique of cleans and snatches down – working out and the feeling after – Vahid’s chocolate and peanut squares – store bought candy (even “gourmet” candy) not comparing to the richness of that recipe – getting stronger -

- these are some impressive drawings of owls.

- maybe I’m just a sucker for animal pictures but I really liked this list.

- lining up job interviews (I had two this week and one next week) – getting emails requesting interviews with me – feeling a lot more positive about this whole finding a job thing -

- I think some of this things from this site make cool gifts. I’d love to get a gift that contributed to others.

- want to learn to meditate? Here’s 108 techniques.

- waking up to fancy breakfasts – drinking my favorite tea (hot cinnamon spice black tea) with a bit of hemp milk – starting a new health regimen – the warm weather and sunshine – even if it was brief – knowing that spring is finally on it’s way -

- this is how I make chocolate mousse now and it’s so rich I can’t imagine eating just plain pudding anymore.

- also these muffins are the perfect quick breakfast/snack. They taste super sweet but aren’t loaded with sugar.

- using the failure of not meeting my weight loss goals for the month as encouragement – tinkering with my diet and exercise to see how the results will be next month – not letting myself backslide – forcing myself to be positive has actually helped me not be so angry at where I am with this -

- Vahid for being awesome -

No other job prospects have panned out, although a few have been dangled in my face like treats on a string. I’ve started replying to job listenings and relying less on the temp agency since they continue to disappoint (not even setting me up with interviews, only telling me that they are no longer available). I feel a little down about not already having employment but I know that I will land a job soon, I need to. Mainly because I want to start getting my dental work done. And buy a new bed. But mostly fix my teeth.

I’ve started working out more. Trying new things with kettlebells. Have you seen the girls that work out with them? They are crazy strong and have amazing bodies. That’s my fitness goal. I’ve been doing a swing program for a while now, it’s a progression program that’s done one day a week. Now I’m learning new moves and adding them throughout the week. My fitness goal has always been to lose the weight that I gained when I moved up here (about 25 pounds to go out of 50 so I’m trekking on) but now I don’t want to just “be skinny.” I want to have muscle and be able to do things. Go for a 50 mile bike ride in a day? Sure! Hike 20 miles? Yes! Swing around a 50 lb kettbell with one arm? Heck yes! This is all very new for me as I have never been an active person or really fit. Although maybe if I was I wouldn’t be on this fitness path I’m on now.

I had this goal of losing 10 pounds a month and that hasn’t happened. Since January I’m down 8, which is good but I keep thinking I could have been down 20 by the end of February. Oh well, eating healthy and getting healthy is always a work in progress, always requiring tinkering.

I haven’t been getting out much. Most days the only person I see is Vahid. Part of it is because I have no income so I want to penny pitch and save as much as I can. But a lot of it is because I am not really friends with anyone up here. I have acquaintances but it’s been hard to make friends. A lot of the people I met in college were very juvenile and the ones I met through work drifted apart after we no longer had the store as a mutual connection. Sometimes I’m sad about it but I know it is what it is. People are fickle in that way. It’s hard to create space for new people in already formed social circles. I think I’m only noticing it so much now because of the engagement. I don’t have anyone to really call to do all the fun stuff with like sample cake. (That’s really all I want to do, eat cake and shop for dresses.)

This is where I am. Waiting and planning. Hoping for better weather.

It feels like getting engaged was a catalyst causing major changes. Since becoming engaged I started seeing an orthodontist and will be getting braces in the month. That’s major enough and, honestly, something I thought would never happen. It means when I get married I will be in braces, but it also means that at some point I won’t be ashamed of my smile. Of course my smile will never be perfect because I have some skeletal issues but it will be better than it is now.

I have also turned down a job offer. The situation wasn’t the best and the offer was pretty laughable. I would have to get a second job on top of that job to be able to pay my bills. Later that week I attended a job fair and got some pretty good leads and several interview offers. I’m pursuing one and I have an interview Tuesday. I’m pretty confident that I’ll get it because it’s a customer service position that’s pretty much my entire job history and I’m pretty good at it. It’s a temp to hire position so if all goes well I’ll get a permanent offer in 90 days after I start. If I get the job in the first place.

Vahid also has some other job offers in the works. It’s pretty exciting and scary. Maybe one day he’ll actually blog and then the internet will rejoice.

I’ve also been doing some wedding planning. Right now the only thing I want to do is find a venue. I have about five that are at the top of the list but I haven’t made appointments to see them because I have no down payments or anything yet. Plus we aren’t getting married this year so I’m not in a huge rush. After I find a venue a lot of other things will become easier to plan.

I’m still working on getting back into a healthy weight. I’ve started to learn some new kettlebell moves and really ramped up my workouts. I slipped a lot during this month with sweets and I’m hoping to fix that in February with a lot more focus on meal planning. I have some recipes I’m dying to try. I’ve pinned some if you care to look through. (Along with a lot of sweets.)

This is going to be my year. Our year. I can feel it.

- being engaged – open houses at a venue – chocolate covered strawberries – mimosas – free samples of food – organizing possible venues – looking at inspiration for my wedding – Pinterest – my ring – bridal magazines -

- this piñata is pretty awesome

- I want to make this cake. It looks delicious!

- getting a job offer – turning down said offer – job fair – promising job leads – great start to this year – making plans – being excited for those plans -

- I am always looking for ways to get more vegetables. This seems like a delicious way to do that.

- Spending so many years in customer service I am always happy when I come across a story like this one.

- spontaneous dinners out – movie nights in – going through shows on Netflix – dairy free chocolate pudding – new BBQ places – Townshend’s kombucha – sweet treat surprises – breakfast in bed for a week – pampering – bubble baths – being happy -