I’ve been contemplating what I want from this new year since the beginning of December. I had just finished my last final on the 5th and since then the same thought ran through my head, “now what?”
Now what? I spent my days sleeping in too late and staying up too late. I left my healthy habits in favor of the sweet treats the holidays always bring. Now I feel contended, eager, determined. This is my year.
Last year was a good year by most accounts. I was able to leave a job I was unhappy in. I finished my degree. I visited lots of family and friends. I was able to go back to California for the weekend. I went camping along the beach. I had a mostly happy year with Vahid. We weren’t able to move to another place, not yet. But overall 2012 was a good year.
I wasn’t focused in what I wanted. I wanted to lose weight but would sabotage myself every time I made real progress. I wanted to figure out my plan for grad school but other than look at some schools I never got myself together to apply anywhere. We traveled more this year but only within Oregon as my school schedule allowed.
This year I am focused. This year I want to have focus.
- This is the year I stop sabotaging myself. This is the year I celebrate my progress and continue it rather than stop. I would be at my goal by now if I didn’t allow myself to give up.
- This is the year to be uncomfortable with myself. I never applied to grad school because it’s hard and scary. I didn’t lose all the weight I wanted too because eating cake is easier than working out and having a salad. I didn’t write because it’s easier to watch TV. This is the year I live in that space of uncomfortableness. That space means I’m changing, hopefully into who I want to be.
- This is the year I get strong. Physically, mentally, spiritually. I work out with kettlebells and I am already so much stronger than before but I am still not as strong as I know I can be. Vahid told me the other day that I hold onto a lot of negative feelings. In wanting to be happier in life I need to learn to let go and forgive, others and myself. I think this will be the hardest things on this list. I’m not religious but I want to learn to meditate and start this year. It’ll help to be present.
Little things I want to accomplish:
- I want to read two books a month. It will be wonderful to get to choose the books I want to read rather than have to read another psychology textbook.
- I want to travel out of state. Just one trip maybe to the east coast or New York. I think we can save up for that.
- I want to get a job that I enjoy. It doesn’t have to be world changing, but I would be really happy if I enjoyed going to work.
I went hiking this afternoon and came home and made dinner. I set the oven on fire. But despite the apartment full of smoke I feel hopeful. This next year will be amazing and I can’t wait to enjoy it all.
Sometimes words can say so much, but mostly they just say nothing at all. Words are alluringly malleable and can be shaped into wondrously beautiful beings.
Hope your 2013 is a good one!
I hope yours is as well!
I think it’s a good omen. You set the oven on fire and now you’re going to set 2013 on fire. xo
Hillary´s last [type] ..2013
Oh man, I hope so.
NYC is East Coast!!!
Poppy´s last [type] ..taking
I know! I was thinking either NYC or DC since we have friends in both places!
Or I don’t know, everywhere!
You so finely stated in your “little things” list, wanting a job that you enjoy. I know this one all too well and I hope you can accomplish this in 2013. The ability to have a job you like makes a world of difference in how you feel about the other parts of your life. It’s weird, but it really does. Ask my wife.
And all the best for 2013. Can’t wait to see those NYC photos.
martymankins´s last [type] ..Music Monday 2012: The Final Countdown
It so does. I hated working at my last job so much that I had to force myself to not be late. All I want is to not hate my day as soon as I wake up because I have to work.
I hope we get to make it to NYC!
Hillary said what I was thinking. It’s a good omen. Hope 2013 is a year of positive change for you!
Thank you! I hope it is too. I guess I should say I am going to make it so, since it won’t actually happen unless I DO IT. I hope 2013 is all you want it to be and more!
“This is the year I live in that space of uncomfortableness. That space means I’m changing, hopefully into who I want to be.”
Yes. THIS. I think so many of us need to adopt that resolution. Thanks for the inspiration!
Stacey´s last [type] ..Team Pink
Thanks! I am going to strive to keep that in my mind as I move through out the year. Say yes to change, to opportunity, to the unknown. That’s the only way to get a life worth living.
I can’t wait to see how your year unfolds!
I was awfully self-sabotaging throughout 2012. I’ve been working on not getting in my way for a while now—publishing Sade on the Wall was a big step in the right direction for me—but I still have yet to make myself sit down and write every day.
Your 2013 sounds like it’s going to be awesome. Never give up on yourself. You are a strong person and will achieve your goals!
Liz´s last [type] ..Some Writer Stereotypes That Are True (For Me, Anyway)
Thank you! Self-sabotaging is the worst because it’s the hardest thing to undo. But I am hoping that this is the year I finally accomplish it.
I can’t wait to see how awesome both of our 2013′s will be!
Charge ahead! It sounds like you’re ready to grab 2013 with both hands. Good luck, it sounds like you’ve got lots of great things to do! Happy 2013!
Faith´s last [type] ..Let’s Talk About Failure!
Thank you! I’m hoping that by setting this out there that I actually set out to DO IT rather than be like oh well, I’ll try again next year.
Happy 2013 to you too!