I’ve been sitting here for a while, not really sure what I want to say. This month has been…it has been. I had the worst job interview of my life. Forty minutes of being belittled for my “lack of work history” (seven years is not enough?) and the fact that I did not major in accounting. After having several angry words with the recruiter who sent me to that interview I let myself unravel. I felt stupid for having a “petty” job (his words) and majoring in something that didn’t matter. Then I gathered myself up and realized that I should have listened to my gut and said that that job was not one I suited for.
No other job prospects have panned out, although a few have been dangled in my face like treats on a string. I’ve started replying to job listenings and relying less on the temp agency since they continue to disappoint (not even setting me up with interviews, only telling me that they are no longer available). I feel a little down about not already having employment but I know that I will land a job soon, I need to. Mainly because I want to start getting my dental work done. And buy a new bed. But mostly fix my teeth.
I’ve started working out more. Trying new things with kettlebells. Have you seen the girls that work out with them? They are crazy strong and have amazing bodies. That’s my fitness goal. I’ve been doing a swing program for a while now, it’s a progression program that’s done one day a week. Now I’m learning new moves and adding them throughout the week. My fitness goal has always been to lose the weight that I gained when I moved up here (about 25 pounds to go out of 50 so I’m trekking on) but now I don’t want to just “be skinny.” I want to have muscle and be able to do things. Go for a 50 mile bike ride in a day? Sure! Hike 20 miles? Yes! Swing around a 50 lb kettbell with one arm? Heck yes! This is all very new for me as I have never been an active person or really fit. Although maybe if I was I wouldn’t be on this fitness path I’m on now.
I had this goal of losing 10 pounds a month and that hasn’t happened. Since January I’m down 8, which is good but I keep thinking I could have been down 20 by the end of February. Oh well, eating healthy and getting healthy is always a work in progress, always requiring tinkering.
I haven’t been getting out much. Most days the only person I see is Vahid. Part of it is because I have no income so I want to penny pitch and save as much as I can. But a lot of it is because I am not really friends with anyone up here. I have acquaintances but it’s been hard to make friends. A lot of the people I met in college were very juvenile and the ones I met through work drifted apart after we no longer had the store as a mutual connection. Sometimes I’m sad about it but I know it is what it is. People are fickle in that way. It’s hard to create space for new people in already formed social circles. I think I’m only noticing it so much now because of the engagement. I don’t have anyone to really call to do all the fun stuff with like sample cake. (That’s really all I want to do, eat cake and shop for dresses.)
This is where I am. Waiting and planning. Hoping for better weather.